Over the last few weeks, we have been focusing on our words. We have talked about the power of words in our marriage, with our children, in our friendships, on the church, and now we are talking about the impact of our words on ourselves.
Ladies, our words wield lots of power. Whether internal dialogue or words spoken out loud in front of the bathroom mirror, the words we speak to ourselves can hold us back or propel us forward. For many of us, our words hold us back. Most women I know struggle with confidence issues at least to some degree. We tend to put ourselves down instead of acknowledging our God-given gifts and strengths. At the very least we don't go after our dreams. We keep them secret. At the extreme, there are issues with eating disorders and self-inflicted wounds. We focus so much on our shortcomings that we never fully realize the purpose for which we have been called. Sometimes we do this because we compare ourselves to other women. Women in magazines, women in our workplace, women in the church. Sometimes we do this because we're trying to make sure God gets the glory and not us. That is not being humble. That is verbally and
mentally abusive to ourselves. We don’t have to portray ourselves as losers in order for Christ to be glorified. It is a good thing to want to make sure God receives the credit that He so deserves, but we need to make sure we do it the right way. The way He intended. Don’t misinterpret John 3:30. It says, “He must become greater; I must become less.” LESS not NOTHING. John didn’t spend a lot of time tearing himself down to make himself less. He just pointed people to the One Who is Greater.
Be mindful of this: God created you for a purpose. He formed your innermost parts, so when you tear yourself down out loud or in your mind, you are insulting God. It is like you are saying He made a mistake with you. He did not. God does not make mistakes. He knows you intimately and He created you to fulfill a purpose here on earth. How exciting is that! That the God who created the planets, the mountains, the oceans, created you… because He knew that the world would need what you have to give. But they’ll never get it if you tear yourself down and are too self-destructive to walk in your purpose.
Yes, it’s wrong to take credit for things that God should receive credit for. It is also wrong to tear yourself down and act like God made a mistake. He made you for a purpose, for His glory. When you focus on yourself and tear yourself down, God’s glory is not able to be seen. Jesus does not ask us to tear ourselves down to make Him greater. He just wants us to point people to Him. This tearing ourselves down is actually a misfocus. It is self-centered. We are focusing on ourselves instead of God. It’s not a matter of having a high self-esteem or low self-esteem. That is all self-focused. It is a matter of knowing who you are in Christ. When we focus on who we are in Christ and submit to what He wants to do through us, then the focus is on Him and His power, not our own. It is prideful, arrogant, and provoking when we do life from the viewpoint that what we do, what we achieve, what we earn on our own establishes our self-worth. It can also be an emotional roller coaster. We aren’t perfect, so with each sin, each misstep, we will be tearing ourselves down, feeling worthless. Only to feel a little more validated and worthy when we accomplish something that we feel deserves praise. How often is that? Once a week? A month? A year? It’s up and down, chaos, an ever-changing value system of worth. It changes day by day, moment by moment. But when we find our worth in Christ, it never changes.
Here’s what is really happening. When we have a low self-esteem (or even a high one for that matter) we are saying that what we think about ourselves is what is true and what God says about us is not. Sometimes we destroy ourselves and sometimes we feel like we are better than others. Both are wrong. As the word indicates self-esteem is about self. That is the problem. Too much self-focus and not enough God focus.
I love Timothy Keller’s book, “The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness.” He says that both high and low self-esteem are sides of the same coin and indicate spiritual sickness. Just think about it. Someone self-centered with an extremely high self-esteem could be considered a narcissist who continually only seeks to have themselves validated at the expense of others. Then there are those with extremely low self-esteem. It always points to some trauma in their life. These people are quite easy to identify because they are typically needy. They can’t give anything because they are bone dry. People who are emotionally healthy can give to others and are not as self-centered. It’s the same thing. When we are hurting we focus on our own needs. It’s all we can see. This kind of self-centered “humility” is not what God is talking about. But when we are emotionally/spiritually healthy we are not focused on ourselves, but on God. Keller says, “The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself, or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.” With self-esteem- whether high or low, the focus is on yourself and you are
definitely not able to think of yourself less and God more. When we do focus on God more, something amazing happens: we learn more about who we are. He is our creator and speaks truth to us and about us. When we seek Him we find ourselves. C.S. Lewis said it perfectly, “Put first things first and we get second things thrown in; put second things first and we lose both first and second things.” When we put God first, we find ourselves. When we put ourselves first, we lose both God and ourselves. Not only does negative self-talk keep us from having a deep relationship with God and walking in the purpose for which we have been called, but it also has a few other unfortunate side effects as well. Negative self-talk causes physical and mental health issues. It can cause digestive issues, lack of energy, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, depression. It blocks your creativity and motivation. It makes you feel frozen in a place of confusion and doubt. Negative self-talk makes it very difficult to take steps forward and takes risks and limits your progress. You cannot grow spiritually or personally if you continually beat yourself down. Negative self-talk sets you up to accept relationships that are unhealthy. When you speak negatively to yourself you walk into poor relationships that you think you “deserve”, which just causes more trauma and need for healing. It causes you to accept less than God’s best for you. We become what we think about ourselves. If we have a low view of ourselves, our identity will be rooted in negative untruths instead of the beautiful truth of God’s Word. This negative mindset has to end. But how?
Here are some ways to stop the negative self-dialogue and start owning who Christ called you to be.
1. Take every thought captive. - 2 Corinthians. 10:5
2. Realize that it is a tactic of Satan and call him out. It’s not you speaking truth to yourself, it is Satan speaking lies. This isn’t just part of life. It is spiritual warfare. - Ephesians. 6:12
3. Only let the good stuff in. – books, movies, social media, music; Get rid of anything that is stealing your joy. - Philippians 4:8
4. Deeply and truly know God’s Word, His voice, know what He says about you. – John 10:27 & 1 Peter 2:9
5. Distance yourself from Toxic people. -Romans 16:17
6. Make peace with your past. Let go and look to the future. - Isaiah 43:18-19
7. Don’t give up, keep trying. - 2 Timothy 4:7
8. Get external help where necessary. Counseling, Celebrate Recovery, other Christ-centered support groups. - Proverbs 24:6
9. Pray constantly for God’s help in overcoming this issue. Have your prayer warriors unite with you over this bondage. - 1 Thessalonians. 5:16 & Ecclesiastes. 4:12
10. Spend time in God’s Word EVERY DAY, committing His word to memory. - Proverbs 4:20-22
Friends, that feeling of worthlessness and failure that you have in you is not from God. He does not desire for you to feel that way. It's time to lay it down and guard our minds with God's truth. Let’s consider whether we are using our words toward ourselves and others the way God intended. When you get rid of this negative mindset and instead fill your mind with things that God actually said, you will see more victories. Mainly because you aren't counting yourself out before you begin. Let's use the power of our words to speak truth and life over ourselves, not death and defeat.
<3 Heather
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